All the tears that comes out of love

I thought I was just getting reminded of how truly incredible good dance performances can be. Or maybe just how much I really truly LOVE dancing - I used to do it when I was younger on an actual team, and I loved it then too. I was awful at it and terribly self-conscious, but I loved every second. 

But it didn't stop there... I got SO MUCH MORE than I ever imagined. This is what loving and supporting these 7 guys AND being part of an incredibly kind and inclusive and humongous extended family does to you. It has you crying sooo many tears of joy all the bloody time ! I've NEVER cried as much as I have in the past four years and it always comes out of a feeling of total overwhelm - almost like my body doesn't know how to contain allllll of this warmth.

I'm always trying to put it into words so the muggles will get a glimpse of what it truly means to be purple-blooded - but I'm never very good at it. As time goes by it feels like that feeling of complete overwhelm just grows and grows and grows - and I have no idea where to actually put it in those moments 'cause it feels so much bigger than any other feeling to be honest. 

Of course at its core it's about feeling seen, and this is not a new or unique emotion. You don't have to support these 7 guys to have experienced this feeling, but the degree to which you feel seen by these 7 humans is a whole other ballgame.. Like you genuinely would have to compare it to feeling seen by a loved one in your life or someone you feel very very close with, someone you trust fully and completely and who knows you on the deepest of levels. 

I know you'll read this and think "yeah, she's nuts" or "she has to be actually delusional" but I know my extended family well and I know that this feeling of being seen is shared by all of us. In fact I've read countless posts of ARMYs who felt seen by the guys when they couldnt even really see themselves. ARMYs who found light in the dark because of these 7 humans and the music they make. I was one of them not so many years ago. I was walking through a thick fog when I stumbled upon them. So many of us found them while we were walking on our own dark and murky paths - and they helped us regain trust in humanity and more importantly in ourselves.

I watch them perform Young Forever on stage and 9/10 times the tears immediately starts rolling down my cheeks. It's like a magic spell at this point. I think I associate that song with so much vulnerability as they're addressing one of their deepest fears in front of dearly beloved family (that's us, yes). And there's so much love and longing and passion in their voices, both rappers and vocalists every single time they perform that song onstage. And all of that emotion is just left there on the stage for the audience to feel and experience.... Maybe it's 'cause I've always struggled with vulnerability in front of the people I love the most. Maybe that's why I've cried so MANY tears to that song ? I don't know. But I know that it's a very powerful song and that the members also hold it very dear. 

I watch them perform We Are Bulletproof: the Eternal and I immediately get chills hearing the instrumentals in the beginning. I also can't handle the animated MV it's just as emotional as an actual live stage somehow. It talks about their journey to get where they are today (or then in 2020 when it was released). It talks about their struggles and determination and how the unity with their extended family helped them carry on despite fierce criticism and hate. 

So many of their songs are deeply personal and autobiographical and it inevitably makes the live stages that much more passionate and emotional to witness. We know exactly what to picture when they mention the criticism and hate: smear campaigns, disrespect and discrimination. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. We know how this treatment forged an initial trauma bond with ARMY, and how that bond has grown and blossomed into something truly unbreakable and very intimate. 

I see Jimin crying so much as he's about to do his ending ment back in the summer of 2020. And we know exactly what those tears are made of; him struggling to grasp a new reality while being reminded that his extended family never left but in fact are always there to support and uplift him. He struggles through the entire speech though he fights a fierce battle against the tears. And I can never rewatch that moment without feeling alll of those emotions myself. 

I see Taehyung crying at Jin's encore concert back in the fall of 2025. He performed a solo song, left the stage and started crying backstage at the sight of ARMY singing in unison - and then Jin walked him back onstage before he could collect himself. He mentioned the overwhelming thought of all 7 of them back onstage through his tears, and I lost it with him. 

I have moments like that with all of the members: Yoongi crying at his encore concert with the guitar in 2023, Jungkook crying during his ending ment at the last Wings concert in 2017, Namjoon crying at the last Speak Yourself concert in 2019, jhope crying at their acceptance speech at MAMA 2018, Jin also crying at the last Speak Yourself concert.   

Any time I go back to any of these moments, I'm brought back to the rawness and vulnerability of that moment - as if it's happening in realtime all over again. And my body often reacts before I'm even aware of it. 

Ever since the military discharges last summer, there's been sooo many of these types of moments that my brain has started to malfunction. Their first OT7 livestream was mental, I'd been picturing it for literally YEARS and when it happened I literally had trouble breathing properly. My heart was beating so fast and I could not even out my breathing. We then had soo many OT7 lives at the end of the year, which my brain was not processing very well. Yoongi finally went live on his own, and the tears came faster than I've ever experienced before - and they would not stop. 

And now we're in comeback announcement-land, and the adrenaline of a MASSIVE world tour and ticket sales - as well as the prospect of 14 new songs (!!) has my body during weird malfunctioning things. I feel like I exist in a state of full-on tears, I forget to breathe properly because of the intensity of everything, I yell loudly and spontaneously and I emotionally combust at various points when all of these combine. 

Being ARMY is intense, but it's THE best kind of emotional intensity out there. In my opinion.  

💜💜💜

Story time: my purpled journey was a steeeeep learning curve #1

Now, I consider myself quite a tolerant and non-judgemental type of person. But my ARMY-journey was nooot smooth by any measure. I did not just go "WAUU!" after watching my first BTS video and four years later here we are ... I mean I wish I was that cool and open-minded, but western perception of k-pop then was broadly speaking negative and FULL to the brim with the type of prejudice we've all heard: factory-made music, industry-dolls, commercial, not worth listening to... Like it was miles away from anything resembling the kind of music we listen to here - which is all REAL music of course (insert sarcasm here).  

Mmmmmhhhhhh .....

The truly scary thing about this journey I was about to go on, was not actually how little we knew about this industry - but how we've all just accepted that that is how it must be, without questioning it even a little bit ? You know what that says about our perception of Korea? Or probably just Asia in general? THAT honestly scares me more than anything else. Yes, we are also terrible at differentiating the cultures and cuisines of different Asian countries - and when we talk about say China, it's rarely in a good way right? It's usually about politics or how everything material in this world probably is produced there according to our western heads. Then we talk about holidays in Thailand and Bali - and the Japanese hybe these days is WILD, everyone everywhere has Japan on their bucket-list. We know how to hybe Japan and how to brag about all the little things we know of the country and culture. But is it too harsh to say that this type of bragging only works BECAUSE the rest of us barely knows anything? And why is it cool to go to Japan and less cool to go to South Korea ? 

Ignorance is what I'm getting at. The biggest issue here is our own ignorance, and the worst part is that we don't even really care. It's understandable that you can't know everything about every country in the world, that is not what I'm getting at. But the fact that we've accepted that we continually recycle the same misconceptions and the same limited knowledge over and over and over again amongst ourselves, that I do find problematic. How can we say that we live in a globalised world when we have no flipping idea how our neighbors live and work ? 

This works as the back-story to my ARMY journey, as this is what little knowledge I had about Korea and Asia, before I was introduced to BTS.

 

MY FIRST BTS ENCOUNTER: 

Okay, so I'm surrounded by this very prejudice-filled perception of kpop: My friend mentions it, when I finally disclose that I'm newly obsessed with this korean music group - and my family also struggles to understand why and how this obsession happened.

Mic Drop got me. I first came across their massive ON performance at the Grand Central Station in New York, and I was instantly obsessed with the dancing and the choreo. I rewatched it MANY many times and remember showing my bestie, and we talked (again) about wanting to be dancers in our next life. I then watched a performance of Idol and the Stephen Colbert beatles-tribute performance of Boy with Luv, but somehow none of those three songs really spoke to me .... I LOVED all the dancing, I've always been a massive fan of dancing. But the songs on their own didn't quite reach just yet, probably because of the genres and the Korean, which then sounded very foreign. I did save one of the performances in a youtube-playlist of mine, and THANK YOU past me for doing that ! Because a year or two then passed, and I randomly came across that video again -- and NOW was the right time ! 

I don't know exactly what made me sooo curious about other performances of theirs then, or why I was suddenly wanting to know more about this group here two years later. Maybe because I was packing up my apartment getting ready to move out, and I needed some good vibes? And this rush of something new and exciting was somehow the perfect fit? Probably that. I remember finding their SNL-performances and as soon as I saw the Mic Drop one I lost it completely ! I remember searching for it on Spotify and playing it over and over and over while I was putting things in boxes. 

I know now that the rapping was needed to hook me in completely. I had been lost in a trance of Hamilton for a gooooood period of time, listening to the original cast recording on repeat - and watching the disney+ recording of the musical tooo many times to count. I was deep in with the rapping and the beats and the hiphop and the rhythm and the flows and 7000 syllables a second. I'm a 90s kid, so I grew up listening to rap, and a lot of it was through my brother's taste in music. But at this point I had outgrown the rap-songs I would listen to as a teenager, and so I'm convinced that Hamilton really found me at the right time. 

Same goes for BTS. I finally landed on Mic Drop and everything changed from then on. I started exploring more of their songs but it took time for me to find ones that I liked - I think the Korean really was a barrier to overcome at this point. It distracted me. I preferred watching their performances because of the dancing, and I fully lost it when I found the dance practices ! And then I lost it again when I came across a Cypher pt 4 performance with the rapline ! Again my brain just went: "whaaaaat is THIS?!" and the obsession deepened further when I discovered that there even WAS a rapline and that they had their own songs.   

 

WALKING HEADFIRST INTO MY OWN PREJUDICES: 

But on this path of getting to know BTS as a group better, I kept stumbling into my own prejudices and always had to tiptoe around them to get to the good part. I would watch their performances on the korean music shows (inkigayo, music bank and those) and think to myself: "why those glittering outfits?" and "why is the set sooo colourful?" and "maybe that's too much lipgloss?" I think many of us western fans have had those thoughts right? Or is it just 'cause I'm Scandinavian and we don't really have popstars like that here? But I did grow up with Britney Spears and Pussycat Dolls ... and I never questioned their make-up or outfits, that was all just part of it. 

It felt like my own prejudices against kpop were being confirmed right here before my very eyes, as the lip-gloss and the sparkly outfits were riiiight there on stage. And this train of thought kept happening the more performances I watched - and the fascinating thing were, that I was very well aware of it as it was happening. But I knew that I wanted to challenge these prejudiced views, and as I kept watching the idols started bowing to each other and it seemed like they wouldn't stop bowing and bowing and bowing. And of course my brain instantly went: "now THIS is interesting!" It didn't exactly counterpoint the prejudice, but the clash of contrasting cultures without anyone seeming taken aback, had me smiling soooo big. How could a sparkly show-off performance be followed by that kind of bowing ? Or even weirder (to me) how could rookie BTS perform a hard-hitting hiphop track with chains and bandanas and lyrics about standing up to societal standards, proceed to humbly bow to all their seniors afterwards ? 

This seemed like such a foreign concept to me. The culture of hiphop is of course influenced by an American freedom-driven individualistic culture, and here it was mixed with the extraordinarily humble and respectful foundation of Korean culture. The contrast was obvious but sooo fascinating. Of course this is painting it veeery black and white in terms of how this dynamic really works within the Korean hiphop scene, but this was my first impression - and I still really didn't know much about Korean culture at this point.  

What started to happen from then on, was that my prejudice would come on strong at the start of a new video but then ultimately dissolve by the end of it. The performances was one thing, but when I started to watch livestreams and behind the scenes and talking content of the members - in other words when I really started to get to know THEM and not just their songs and performances, I saw a whooooole other side of BTS and kpop ---->

When I would hear people say: "they don't make their own music anyway," I could turn on Namjoon's album reviews and listen to his detailed explanations of how each song came to be. When I would hear people say: "they only care about their fans for business purposes," I could put on the encore part of any BTS concert and observe the way they communicate and address their fans in their ending ments. When I would hear people say: "they probably don't even like each other," I could put on any festa-related content and hear them compliment each other endlessly. When I would hear people say: "I bet they hate their label and staff," I could turn on their variety show Run BTS and observe a wholesome and family-like dynamic with the production team. The list of things I had to do a full 180 on is SO long. ARMY is another one I was completely wrong about. This fandom that I'm now a dedicated member of and whom I consider my extended family - well they're not "just a bunch of screaming teenage girls." They're actually hardworking individuals who build platforms and organisations as well as structures and networks to help translate and educate and donate and unite and promote and communicate - all in the name of BTS and ARMY. And they're all ages and genders and races. I genuinely come across comments from "silver ARMYS" (meaning fans over the age of 65) on a weekly basis. 

Point is that I continually had to alter the images and ideas in my brain to fit the reality of what I was actually watching and hearing. It was a strange experience but it also fed into my own curiosity, and the more I watched and learned - the more I wanted to watch and learn.  

 The journey was loooong and bumpy, and there's soo much more to say on the topic. But this post is already way too long, so I'll continue in another one. 

 

APOBANPO y'all 💜💜💜

 

My take on the members: Jimin

Jimin is usually referred to as the "angel" of the group. He speaks softly and eloquently, he moves fluidly and elegantly on stage and he is always emotionally in tune with his members. He is also very comfortable with higher notes when singing and will generally sing in a higher range than his members (all except Jin). Combining all these traits makes him seem quite angel-like, though there are many examples of behavior that does not fit inside of this box... For one he can be veery mischievous under the right circumstances and he has also been known to make blunt remarks. This is usually the case I've noticed, that when a person is described to be one thing in particular - he/she will usually also display the opposite trait. It may sound conflicting and paradoxical, but human's are in many ways very counter-intuitive in their behaviour. We often say one thing but then we do the opposite. It may also be a balance issue. If we are kind and sweet and polite to such an extend that we neglect ourselves in the process - then our emotional regulation might be slightly off balance, and thus blunt remarks or brutal honesty may occur as a way to restore balance.   

But back to Jimin... 

Who is indeed a very selfless guy. He is known to be very good at taking care of his member's emotional well-being: always the first one to comfort his brothers when they're crying, and also I believe the first one they tend to talk to about their personal struggles. Namjoon has mentioned more than once that he finds a lot of comfort through his talks with Jimin, who are also a deep thinker and feeler. And I think the same goes for Yoongi as far as I've gathered, who also struggles with overthinking. These two, Namjoon and Yoongi are especially analytical and reflective and combined with their strong emotional intelligence, they're VERY capable of making qualified decisions. But what Jimin has in spades that these two struggle with is a comfortable and intuitive display of his own emotional well-being. His entire body often displays how he feels not just his face or his words. The physical and emotional spheres overlap to such an extent that he becomes the emotion in that moment, and then another one in the next moment. You often find him (and j-hope) on the floor from laughter, and that's not an exaggerated response to a joke or a funny moment - but a genuine full-body reaction to feeling joyful. Yoongi and Namjoon more so belong to the types of people that are fully aware of how they feel, but are less able to express it outwardly - or they've been taught by society to keep their emotions in check, and they've practiced that to perfection. Meaning that you'd need to get to know them well, in order to learn their more subtle ways of expressing emotions. Or you'd have to wait for them to express their emotions through words, which they are both incredibly skilled at. 

With Jimin on the other hand you are rarely in doubt, unless he is deliberately hiding it due to circumstance (usually formal public appearances) or out of a different kind of respect. This is also, I believe, why soooo many ARMYs (myself included) got into BTS through Jimin. As he's the easiest member to read emotionally, this also makes him the easiest member to relate to and emphasize with. And when you're an international ARMY who knows little about k-pop or the korean culture, which is how many of us started out - then you feel out of depth and will thus latch onto anything that feels even a little bit familiar or relatable, and that thing often is Park Jimin. And as soon as you realise that Jimin isn't just "a little bit relatable" but VERY much so, it's actually impossible to not take a liking to him. He is so incredibly endearing and human, that you'd have to be very broken to not be charmed by him and his aura.    

He's also very smart, highly aware of social etiquette (to the extent that he will let you know, if you break them near him), an INCREDIBLY skilled dancer who will always belong on stage - the way he is able to tell stories through movement is truly enchanting, a beautifully skilled vocalist who still studies his craft, one of the hardest workers I know (he slept on a mattress in the dance practice room as a trainee out of sheer dedication) - and the silliest little bean you may come across :))

He also happens to turns 30 tomorrow !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY our chimchim !! 

 

💜💜💜 

3 reasons why I'm ARMY: sincerity, parallel paths and purple ocean

Throughout this post there are 8 links for you to explore, they're a slightly different colour than the rest of the text. I've always wanted to make a sort of playlist for anyone curious about BTS and why they have such a large fanbase. Well here goes... 💜

 

#1. Sincerity and authenticity is everything in this weird time we live in. Here are three examples of how sincerity and authenticity runs through EVERY part of BTS' journey: 

BTS ending ment in 2017 -- Wings Tour, Seoul

BTS "ending ments" are their final individual speeches at the end of all of their concerts. All seven members open up about how they feel at this particular moment. This one is a proper cry-fest but it doesn't feel cringey at all, these boys don't know what cringe is... they colour everything in sincere human emotions and thus this moment is completely overwhelming (especially if you know the members well).

Billboard Hot100 - phone call with Bang PD (their boss), 2020

BTS reached two weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot100 chart for their smash-hit Dynamite in 2020. In this clip they're calling their boss (and executive producer) Bang Shi-Hyuk to share the news with him. They've always shared their excitement and celebration of big musical achievements with ARMY, and these are always moments where we really get to see how much all of this means to each of them. And as a bonus element we get to hear and experience Bang PD's excitement here as well! 

Coldplay + BTS "my universe" documentary (in 2021)

If you love Coldplay and are merely curious about BTS, this is a great watch. They collaborated on the hugely successful single "My Universe" in 2021, where Chris Martin came to Seoul to actually be with the boys as they recorded the track. The boys aren't really superstars in this short documentary, they're just normal lads having fun making a song with their idol. 

#2. Walking alongside like-minded and kind people, that are also my age, makes life more bearable:

Namjoon talking about his upcoming UN speech in 2018 -- self-recorded log 

Now, I don't regularly go around making big speeches the way these guys have done. But the way Namjoon is able to talk about his unusual job in such a normal human tone, has always fascinated me. Him and his brothers have done so many unusual things in their lives already, but they somehow always manage to normalize these experiences by breaking them down into smaller simplere activities (like meeting someone you admire or being nervous before doing something big and meaningful), thus making it relatable for those of us who would never encounter them ourselves. If you break it all down, they are just a bunch of guys doing their absolute best in a cut-throat industry.. And the fact that they're my age always gets me thinking about my own thoughts and actions.. They bring their values into everything that they do and their kindness towards absolutely everyone always has me floored. Remember when they helped that American interviewer off the floor when he fell? Or when Jin offered to take the microphones from that Korean journalist at Hobi's discharge? Or the amount of times Namjoon has corrected American interviewers when they've asked about "crazy fan experiences," with a simple "we don't consider them crazy" ?        

Livestream Post-The Grammy's 2022 -- taking about their night + losing the award

The boys have always had a habit of going live after every big american award show: American Music Awards, Billboard Music Awards, The Grammys ... Sometimes (possible every time?) they have been invited to after-parties for all celebrity attendees. But as far as I know they only went along once, and seemed to regret it. Instead they'd go back to their hotel and do a livestream with ARMY, where in they talk honestly and unfiltered about their night however many trophies they brought back. When they lost the award at the Grammy's in 2022 (second time around) they admitted to being disappointed. They really wanted it (the same thing happened the year prior, despite it being their first nomination). They've always been vocal about wanting and aiming for that specific award, and so when they were thiiis close - no wonder the disappointment hit hard, and possibly even harder the second time around. Moments like these encouages so many of us ARMYs to always choose authenticity over masking as someone else or to suppress negative emotions when they come up, just because they seem improper in the moment.  

Yoongi being nervous about an album release in 2017 -- self-recorded log

Yoongi has mentioned a couple of times how truly nervous he gets right before they release an album. And this is one of those times.. Just by looking at his facial expression, you can tell that he isn't our average calm-exuding Yoongi here. Along with being an excellent rapper and perfomer, he's a producer and song-writer at his core - so being this nervous about a release he's worked tirelessly on is not that strange. What I love about this log, is that he chooses to share those thoughts and emotions with us. We know Yoongi to be fairly private about his emotions as he's experiencing them. We rarely see him get visibly emotional at concerts like other members, though of course there are exceptions - when he made a deep bow to his parents on stage in 2016/2017 (?) and more recently when he burst into tears performing Snooze on his solo tour in 2023 - but they are few and far between. Usually he prefers to tells us about his inner thoughts and emotions after they've happened in a retrospective and reflective manner. This he excells at though! He's incredible at putting all his emotions into context and perspective, so that ARMY and others may benefit from his experiences. His talkshow Suchwita is a perfect example of that.    

#3. Being part of the purple ocean means that you are part of something MUCH much bigger than yourself. THIS is the something bigger and abstract, that you can hold onto, which will fuel your life with hope and remind you of human kindness and human beauty:

How the purple colour started -- 2! 3! performance in 2016 + talking segment 

"BORAHAE" or "I Purple You" are infamous BTS/ARMY phrases. Purple is not a BTS brand identity thing, it's not even officially part of their logo. The bangtantv-youtube channel didn't change their profile picture to purple till 2023, I believe. So it really isn't a pre-established BTS-thing. It came to be in 2016 when this linked concert happened and ARMY had wrapped their lightsticks (ARMY bombs) with purple paper turning the light from white to purple during one particular song. All members were surprised by this gesture, and Taehyung started talking about the meaning of purple - and how it's the colour at the end of the rainbow and thus it's meaning could be that we will love and support each other till the end. To this day I don't know whether he'd read that somewhere or whether he just thought of it in that moment, but knowing Taehyung it's probably the latter. I still don't know how the phrases came to be ? Whether that was ARMY online or the members coining that....? But the purple colour caught on and now it's our love language to each other. Whenever concerts happen now the colour of the lightsticks always go to purple during extra emotional songs - and ARMY tend to wear purple clothes for concerts, the purple heart emoji can also be seen anywhere BTS shows up. It has sort of taken a life of its own.  

The purple ocean in 2021 - first concert post-COVID

This is a fancam which I hope doesn't randomly get taken down or deleted.. If it does though it won't be too hard to find another example of the purple ocean on display at concerts. The songs in this video are We Are Bulletproof: the Eternal + Answer: Love Myself, these are both songs dedicated to ARMY though the latter one holds a bigger message that goes beyond our purple love. As you can see the lightsticks immediately turn purple and thus the purple ocean-effect is on display. The first song was released in 2020 during festa (BTS' birthday celebration festival) in June. The first part of their team name "bangtan" literally translates to "bulletproof" and they've made songs with that word in the title earlier in their carrier. Here though it is not used to establish their identity as the 7, but to convey that with ARMY they go beyond being just 7 boys - and in that meeting the "eternal" happens. It's a big emotional song that (obviously) hits hardest if you identity as ARMY. The purple ocean-effect also tends to happen during any Spring Day performances as well as Epilog: Young Forever + the ever-growing list of ARMY-songs that has been written since. If I haven't mentioned it yet, well then I probably should now: We are a VERY spoiled and loved fandom. And we never ever take that for granted, though you may have noticed that greed and selfishness also exists in our global family. 

 

💜💜💜

 

Dear Namjoon

Life has been a lot lately, so thank you for your letter. I sometimes feel like I'm able to breathe properly again after reading through the letters you've been writing to us. It might sound a bit dramatic, but you just get it - you get how truly complicated it is to be human and how complicated it is to navigate your path through life. 

You phrase it as questions: As someone who creates music, what am I making, and what are people hearing? What are we all looking at, and what are we choosing to love? What kind of determination did I have when I stood in front of you all?

I always come back to this, when I struggle to navigate my own path. What is it I hold onto? What is it that ties me to this existence? to this Earth and to being alive right now? (other than my biological existence). What keeps me sane and grounded, is another way to ask this question. Why did I choose this path in the first place? Probably because it made me happier and more comfortable with my own existence - than if I hadn't chosen this path. 

It makes sense to me that you'd be asking these questions now. You are in an in-between currently, where military life is slowly coming to and end but civilian life hasn't yet started. 18 months is a long time to be away from what you love and this path which you've continuously chosen to walk on. It's only natural that these questions pop up, and that you may feel more hesitant in your answers than possibly ever before. You've also never really been given the opportunity to ask these questions in any kind of in-between space, as you've always had cameras directed at your face - ever since you chose this path almost 12 years ago. From where I stand there must be some sort of freedom in that? It must be freeing to be able to ask such questions from an almost outsider-like perspective? Though of course I cannot know for sure, as I'll never truly know what it feels like to be you. 

What I do know is that life keeps changing. You choose you path but you can never fully know the twists and turns it'll take. 

March has been a reminder for me of exactly that. We're continuously learning how to navigate this path as we grow older and hopefully a tad wiser. And I took a hit of "ohhhh right" this month, as I was given another opportunity to look through my life wearing completely different spectacles. It made me realise once again that we never ever stop growing and changing and adding puzzle pieces to our colourful existence. And that we should always always always stay humble, when our path takes an unexpected turn - because usually it will be another significant opportunity to grow and learn and move forward. If we wave our hand and look away, the opportunity may not find its way back to us and thus we do not get to add that particular colour to our beautifully woven tapestry. 

I have this probably naive idea of life getting easier the older you get, though it may just be another thing for me to hold onto as I drift through outer space. The idea is based on the concept that life gifts you with experience as time passes, and this experience helps you to navigate your path a little easier. I've always found life to be overwhelming and incredibly difficult to live, and if experience is the key to an easier life - then I want as many and varied life experiences as I can possibly get! This is how my calculations went. I was obsessed with this idea for a couple of years, to the point that I would go around saying "I won't reach my perfect stage of life till I turn 80 years old. My youth was rubbish but I'll turn golden with old age." And to some extend I still believe this, maybe not as fiercely as I did then, but I do like getting older. I feel more myself the older I get, however weird that may sound. I feel less anxious, less insecure, less self-conscious, less lost, less overwhelmed etc. And in turn my tapestry becomes more and more colourful. 

Lately, I've been reading Erich Fromm's 'the Art of Loving,' which I've been putting off for a while. But 'the art of love' - what does that even mean? Can love really be something you practice? The point of the book is: We put in hours of practice to get better at painting, playing guitar or studying...But when it comes to love, the most important thing in life, we just expect to do it naturally, with no effort.  Modern society glorifies love as just intense emotions and dramatic moments, but in reality love is about commitment, promises and decisions. Love has different types, different temperatures, different expressions. And for us -- where love isn't one-on-one, but one-to-many, many-to-one -- what does it really mean?

I don't know, Joon.. Maybe love's only purpose is to tie us together? To make us care about each other? I think you mentioned that once. But that doesn't really matter to me, what matters about our purple love: one-to-many/ many-to-one is that it makes all our lives easier and more enjoyable, right? Both for you and your brothers and for us. It makes life more enjoyable that we can share so many things with each other, that we can support each other as we individually navigate our own paths - that we can be vulnerable in each other's company and accept each other for who we all truly are (warts and all). To me the bigger questions are all incredibly interesting (I have a brain similar to yours), but they don't matter nearly as much - and thus it is okay, that we do not know how to answer them.

Time feels heavier here, like a gravity. It's going slow as hell, but even if you hang a military clock upside down, it still ticks. So I'll try flipping it upside down, spinning it 540 degress - whatever works. I'll take this time to realign my heart and thoughts before I return. I have so many stories to share both through music and words.

Spring is coming. No, actually it's already here! (Meanwhile I'm still shovelling 17 cm of snow...)

If you start feeling a little warm, just know that soon enough, I'll be back to bother you all relentlessly. Until then, live your best lives. Now, I'm off to finish my webtoon. 

I love you all, today and always. This is my decision and my promise.

I cannot bloody wait, Joon. I think I miss you more than I know, and I know that I miss you A LOT! This era's been strange in so many ways, but it has also taught us a lot about how to move forward. And I know that the day you finally reunite will be more overwhelming than any of us is prepared for 💜

 

(Thank you @BIGHIT_INFO for sharing a better translation of the letter than what Weverse are currently able to provide).

 

My take on the members: Hobi (j-hope)

j-hope is only really "j-hope" when he's on stage - or when he's promoting his music. The rest of the time we call him "hobi" - and by "we" I mean ARMY and the members. Hobi has many famous descriptors to his name, SUNSHINE and VITAMIN are probably the most common ones. He tends to fuel you with bright energy and good laughs. As baby-ARMY you quickly learn to single him out as "the loud one" or "the animated one" in american interviews or in a lot of their own content. The members see him as a necessary source of energy to have around - not just because of his vitamin-like aura but because of his relentless work ethic and meticulous professionalism.

He is "dance captain hobi" when instructing and helping his members to practice their choreographies - and because of that he's widely known as the group's second leader next to RM. With RM being the official spokesperson, the middle-man between label and the members + a key figure in their songwriting. Hobi is a key figure when it comes to anything performance-related. He did street dancing before he joined BigHit, and was thus one of the only members with actual dancing experience. When Bang PD decided to turn his hiphop crew (full of rappers) into an idol group, hobi became a key component. Hobi has thus been assisting their choreographer Son Sungdeuk in teaching the members all their choreos since debut days. Aside from his performance experience and expertise, RM has also credited hobi with second leader-duties when it comes to the emotional well-being of their members. Hobi can often come across as the glue of the group - you see him taking on mother-like responsibilities around his members: cleaning and organising as well as generally taking care of the members in a both practical and emotional sense. He'll throw a warmer piece of clothing to his younger brother, if they're heading outside in the cold - he'll clean up around his older brother, as he's busy cooking - he'll organise the camping van if they're away on a trip. He ALWAYS makes himself useful to the group in whichever way he can, and the members appreciate that much more so than I think he knows.

He's a structured and organised guy by nature. Maybe that's why it was easy for him to take on this mother-like role? But you blend that with his sunshine-like aura, and he becomes this extremely likeable guy. The guys call him the most professional one out of all of them, because he never complains and always shows up early and ready to take on the daily challenges with a smile. 

Another component that I would never ever fail to mention is his ambition. They're all incredibly ambitious artists, but sometimes it really feels like hobi is breathing fire... The way he talkes about his craft and how he thoroughly enjoys facing new challenges however big or small, is inspirational without a doubt, but it's also kinda scary. Remember Jack in the Box and Hobipalooza? He lost so much weigh and were barely able to eat and sleep properly during that month. This professional greed reminds me of Seventeen's Hoshi, who talks about his own career in a similar way - with fire blazing in his eyes. It feels like the flames cannot actually ever get too hot for the two of them, they're always going to feed the flames with more oxygen and load the fire with more firewood. I think of Jungkook in a similar way. The ceilings aren't ever tall enough... There's a certain type of excitement that accompanies that image - you see these people on stage and it's like they were legitimately born to perform in front of thousands. At the same time though if you flip the coin the repetitive motion of adding new oxygen to the flames and new firewood to the fire in a continuous cycle, feels utterly exhausting and draining. I'm convinced that to live this kinda life, you have to pay with bits of your soul along the way...

Not everyone is capable of maintaining this type of lifestyle. This is another reason why I'm continuously impressed by these guys, they've been doing THIS exact thing for almost 12 years now (though pause for military enlistments) and they STILL want to keep going. They have not had enough. They want more. Yes, things may not look the same as they used to. Bangtan 3.0 will be different. But their passion for music and performing have not changed. 

Okay, back to hobi. 

This guy is a master at what he does. He learned to rap from Yoongi and Namjoon in their pre-debut days. And now he's such a goddamn good rapper - I love the way he alwaysalways changes his flow mid-verse and how rhythm runs in his blood to the extend that he cannot make a song that doesn't have you grooving along, and tapping your fingers and feet. He has found his own sound and genre almost ? We all adore his melodic rap - and the way he can sing AND rap in the same song, without it seeming weird is (also) very impressive. 

Dancing is his foundations in so many ways. It informs the beats and melodies that he writes into his music, he rarely sits still, he communicates most effectively with movement - and it probably has some sort of input on his extraordinary fashion sense also...? or is that a stretch...?  

Post-discharge hobi is a whole adventure in and of himself. Just like jin, hobi has become an even better and cooler and more grounded version of himself after returning to civilian life. Also he seems to be walking all over JK's space with his 12-hour livestream and his sexy solo songs - as well as his increasingly more intimate ARMY interactions.. Now "challenge accepted" or what JK ?! Hobi is completely spoiling us in this era, and we're all completely loving it (massive understatement).

 

What a way to start our purpled 2025 !!! 💜

 

 

My take on the members: Yoongi (SUGA)

Okay, I'm a little late here.. But let's continue. 

Yoongi, our Min Yoongi is SUCH a pillar to the team. I always say that him and Namjoon are the Bangtan foundations. BTS was initially supposed to be a hiphop crew and not an idol group - and looking at these two in their rookies years, you see why and how. Yoongi's roots are also underground rap, he used to be part of a crew in Daegu (where he grew up). I believe one of the members of his crew found the BigHit audition notice and asked Yoongi whether he'd ever heard of Hitman Bang // Bang PD // Bang Si-Hyuk, the CEO of BigHit and now chairman of HYBE. Yoongi went to the audition in Seoul, but changed the backing track BigHit provided auditioners with beforehand, and this is possibly why he got offered the spot as a trainee the same day. He'd been producing tracks and beats for his own raps (and probably his crew's raps) for years before the audition. And had even earned money teaching MIDI (I believe it's called ?) to amateurs. In other words he joined BigHit with experience both in writing, producing and performing songs - similar to Namjoon. 

This is NOT a given for idol trainees. One of the main concepts of the idol trainee system is that you can basically take any kid off the street and turn them into a superstar with a ton of hard work. Like push-ups in your sleep-kinda hard work... Like around the clock training-kinda hard work... The Korean work ethic already exists in a different realm - if we compare it to many Western cultures. And the idol training system seems to go beyond that. This is one of the main reasons why the industry has been criticised so much. Here though, I think we should remember that kpop idols basically are athletes - and athletes are expected by ALL to work doubled the amount of any office worker (if not more!) to remain the best and achieve the seemingly impossible. Also, the Korean work ethic may seem soul crushing to some, but as this would set the standard of any Korean worker, it puts things into perspective. You can agree or diasgree on how many hours we should spend serving society versus taking care of ourselves, but cultural norms are obviously a big part of this... 

ANYWAY back to Yoongi. 

With all of his experience in music production, Yoongi obviously became a pillar to the team from the get go. Him and Namjoon taught J-Hope to rap and trusted him (J-Hope) to lead them all in the dance practice room - where neither Yoongi nor Namjoon had any experience. Yoongi also convinced the A&R team (?) to train Jimin as a vocalist rather than a rapper, which any ARMY would perceive as a stroke of genius with how skilled a vocalist Jimin is today. He was able to see the potential in Jimin beyond his skills as a dancer - before the label even did - which is rather incredible. 

Many ARMYs first take on Yoongi is that he's a calm and collected sort of guy. He doesn't show emotions outwardly in the same way you see J-Hope and Jimin do. When he opens his mouth, which he often chooses not to - he's full of opinions and well-reflected thoughts, and you become immediately aware of how rich an inner life he must have. In many interviews he seems like the quiet guy in the background, who may not have a lot to say. But if you ask him the right question, he's eyes will light up and he'll give you a long and solid answer. He cuts through the bullshit and gets to the real stuff. This is another VERY useful quality to have in a wildly successful group like BTS. Yoongi will always be the one to deflect useless criticism, redirect disrespectful questions from journalists and turn haters words and actions into HIS own weapon. He's invaluable next to leader Namjoon who tends to have a softer approach in these kinds of situations. Now, the members have ALL gotten better at standing their ground and being vocal about their perspectives without fear of judgement. But Yoongi was always like that. 

In my eyes Yoongi has had to change and transform in the opposite direction. Whereas some of the members have had to learn how to built solid walls around their beliefs, Yoongi has had to learn how to tear some of these walls down - though not around his beliefs but around his emotions. Being part of a group and working as closely as they have for more than a decade, I believe Yoongi has learned how to communicate his emotions better to the members. How to open up more, and how to be less scared of emotional exposure and vulnerability. His talkshow Suchwita REALLY underlines that transformation, I would say. Here, he even exposes his own emotional journey to the public - to anyone who comes across his videos. I have absolutely loved following along on this journey throughout all the episodes we've gotten so far. Hopefully he'll be back with another season one day! 

He's a T just like Jin (MBTI-wise), and so he sees the world from a logical standpoint and will always call out things that doesn't logically line up in his brain. This I really notice more and more... At the same time though he's also veeeery sentimental, which is probably his reflective brain kicking in. He's got an incredible memory and will often bring up specific situations from the past in the members' presence. He talks a lot about dreams and having dreams for the future (and what that entails) in his solo songs - the sacrifices you sometimes have to make and the dedication it takes. He's able to see the world from an almost cold and calculative perspective whilst still recognising that there's so much beauty and good in the human experience - which is such an interesting blend of character. 

You may need to pay a liiittle bit more attention in order to single out the nuances of his personality - especially with OT7 content, because he really does often prefer to take a back seat when all the members gather together. But the fast-track to learning about Yoongi is through reading his lyrics. This is where most ARMYs start. He tends to get very very personal in his lyrics. Here you can learn about his struggle with mental illnesses, his struggle to pay off educational fees because of his family's background, him having to grow up really fast because of various circumstances, the shoulder injury he hid for a long time out of fear, his struggle with fame and how it felt like a shackle around his neck for a long time and many many other things. 

Getting to know Yoongi is like opening a treasure chest - there's sooo many good qualities to find here. He's wise beyond his years, he's extremely kind-hearted and generous both with his resources and time, he's an incredible mentor to younger idols and artists, he stores a gazillon random facts in his brain because of his own curiosity, he's ambitious and passionate about his craft and he's always open to learning new skillsets that could improve his quality of life. 

Yep, all of this is Yoongi (and more!)  💜