I thought I was just getting reminded of how truly incredible good dance performances can be. Or maybe just how much I really truly LOVE dancing - I used to do it when I was younger on an actual team, and I loved it then too. I was awful at it and terribly self-conscious, but I loved every second.
But it didn't stop there... I got SO MUCH MORE than I ever imagined. This is what loving and supporting these 7 guys AND being part of an incredibly kind and inclusive and humongous extended family does to you. It has you crying sooo many tears of joy all the bloody time ! I've NEVER cried as much as I have in the past four years and it always comes out of a feeling of total overwhelm - almost like my body doesn't know how to contain allllll of this warmth.
I'm always trying to put it into words so the muggles will get a glimpse of what it truly means to be purple-blooded - but I'm never very good at it. As time goes by it feels like that feeling of complete overwhelm just grows and grows and grows - and I have no idea where to actually put it in those moments 'cause it feels so much bigger than any other feeling to be honest.
Of course at its core it's about feeling seen, and this is not a new or unique emotion. You don't have to support these 7 guys to have experienced this feeling, but the degree to which you feel seen by these 7 humans is a whole other ballgame.. Like you genuinely would have to compare it to feeling seen by a loved one in your life or someone you feel very very close with, someone you trust fully and completely and who knows you on the deepest of levels.
I know you'll read this and think "yeah, she's nuts" or "she has to be actually delusional" but I know my extended family well and I know that this feeling of being seen is shared by all of us. In fact I've read countless posts of ARMYs who felt seen by the guys when they couldnt even really see themselves. ARMYs who found light in the dark because of these 7 humans and the music they make. I was one of them not so many years ago. I was walking through a thick fog when I stumbled upon them. So many of us found them while we were walking on our own dark and murky paths - and they helped us regain trust in humanity and more importantly in ourselves.
I watch them perform Young Forever on stage and 9/10 times the tears immediately starts rolling down my cheeks. It's like a magic spell at this point. I think I associate that song with so much vulnerability as they're addressing one of their deepest fears in front of dearly beloved family (that's us, yes). And there's so much love and longing and passion in their voices, both rappers and vocalists every single time they perform that song onstage. And all of that emotion is just left there on the stage for the audience to feel and experience.... Maybe it's 'cause I've always struggled with vulnerability in front of the people I love the most. Maybe that's why I've cried so MANY tears to that song ? I don't know. But I know that it's a very powerful song and that the members also hold it very dear.
I watch them perform We Are Bulletproof: the Eternal and I immediately get chills hearing the instrumentals in the beginning. I also can't handle the animated MV it's just as emotional as an actual live stage somehow. It talks about their journey to get where they are today (or then in 2020 when it was released). It talks about their struggles and determination and how the unity with their extended family helped them carry on despite fierce criticism and hate.
So many of their songs are deeply personal and autobiographical and it inevitably makes the live stages that much more passionate and emotional to witness. We know exactly what to picture when they mention the criticism and hate: smear campaigns, disrespect and discrimination. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. We know how this treatment forged an initial trauma bond with ARMY, and how that bond has grown and blossomed into something truly unbreakable and very intimate.
I see Jimin crying so much as he's about to do his ending ment back in the summer of 2020. And we know exactly what those tears are made of; him struggling to grasp a new reality while being reminded that his extended family never left but in fact are always there to support and uplift him. He struggles through the entire speech though he fights a fierce battle against the tears. And I can never rewatch that moment without feeling alll of those emotions myself.
I see Taehyung crying at Jin's encore concert back in the fall of 2025. He performed a solo song, left the stage and started crying backstage at the sight of ARMY singing in unison - and then Jin walked him back onstage before he could collect himself. He mentioned the overwhelming thought of all 7 of them back onstage through his tears, and I lost it with him.
I have moments like that with all of the members: Yoongi crying at his encore concert with the guitar in 2023, Jungkook crying during his ending ment at the last Wings concert in 2017, Namjoon crying at the last Speak Yourself concert in 2019, jhope crying at their acceptance speech at MAMA 2018, Jin also crying at the last Speak Yourself concert.
Any time I go back to any of these moments, I'm brought back to the rawness and vulnerability of that moment - as if it's happening in realtime all over again. And my body often reacts before I'm even aware of it.
Ever since the military discharges last summer, there's been sooo many of these types of moments that my brain has started to malfunction. Their first OT7 livestream was mental, I'd been picturing it for literally YEARS and when it happened I literally had trouble breathing properly. My heart was beating so fast and I could not even out my breathing. We then had soo many OT7 lives at the end of the year, which my brain was not processing very well. Yoongi finally went live on his own, and the tears came faster than I've ever experienced before - and they would not stop.
And now we're in comeback announcement-land, and the adrenaline of a MASSIVE world tour and ticket sales - as well as the prospect of 14 new songs (!!) has my body during weird malfunctioning things. I feel like I exist in a state of full-on tears, I forget to breathe properly because of the intensity of everything, I yell loudly and spontaneously and I emotionally combust at various points when all of these combine.
Being ARMY is intense, but it's THE best kind of emotional intensity out there. In my opinion.
